Gutshots: Ten Blows to the Abdomen Read online

  The twin explosions went off as one and glass exploded out from every window. Kenny was now by the back door and when he walked through into the bar ready to finish off any survivors he was met with a devastated but empty room.

  He turned to leave but was met with the business end of a sawn off shotgun. Over the notched sights the hooded eyes of Big Ste glowered animal menace at him. Behind Big Ste were Simon and four other heavies he used.

  ‘Hands up Kenny. I heard all about Sergios and Metcalfe. You didn’t really think you’d catch me out like that did you?’

  ‘I guess I did Ste.’ There was no point in Kenny denying his actions. All he could hope for now was a quick and painless death. Any self respecting bookmaker would have laid long odds on that scenario though.

  ‘Simon, Billy. Check him for weapons and then tie the bastard up.’

  As Simon and his cousin approached him, Kenny grabbed Billy and used him as a shield first and a battering ram second. Big Ste blasted at Kenny with the shotgun but Billy’s body protected him before he shoved the lifeless form into Big Ste. Billy fell to the ground but Kenny had gained the advantage he required to make a grab at survival.

  Knowing he would be outmatched in a wrestling match for the shotgun Kenny knocked it aside with his left arm while stabbing at Big Ste’s beach ball gut with the Marines knife.

  Shock and pain filled Big Ste’s eyes as Kenny twisted the blade inside him.

  A pair of cracks accompanied by heavy blows to Kenny’s back alerted him to the fact that Simon had pulled his gun and was shooting at him. The heavy slugs were prevented from killing Kenny by the bulletproof vest he wore.

  Kenny swung the shotgun round so the stock collided with Simon’s chin knocking him down. This should give him long enough for to dispense of the two remaining henchmen.

  Changing his grip Kenny put his forefinger through the trigger guard and raised the gun, but he only managed one shot before pain exploded in his head and he fell to the ground.

  Looking up through bleary eyes, Kenny saw Simon standing over him slowly bringing his pistol to bear.

  Kenny had just enough time to pull the pin on a grenade before Simon squeezed the trigger.

  Not to be Sneezed at

  I wrote this after a half heard radio topic rekindled an old biology lesson. Of course me being me, I couldn’t help but add a different perspective.

  Walking home from school I saw Chelsie Garrett standing by the side of the road. She looked as if she was crying. Concern for the girl of my dreams flashed through my mind, so I screwed up my courage and walked over to her.

  ‘Are you okay Chelsie?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  I tried again as she clearly didn’t look fine to me, although I’d been mistaken about the crying. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’re about to cry.’

  ‘Well I’m not. Sod off no-mark!’

  There was anger in her voice at my questioning. She was one of the cool gang while I was the nerd who was only ever noticed by bullies and teachers looking for volunteers.

  ‘’Kay then. Bye.’

  ‘Wait… George… Come back please.’

  I went back to her – surprised she even knew my name. Chelsie gave me a half hearted attempt at a smile. ‘I didn’t mean to be mean to you. All you were doing was being nice.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. I was just making sure you were okay.’

  ‘Jase has just gone and dumped me for that bitch Susanna.’

  Could this possibly be my chance? The Jase in question was captain of the under fifteens rugby team and the coolest of the cool. He had his pick of the girls and was tough enough to fight guys years older than him.

  I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing and stood there looking like I didn’t know how to talk to a girl. My one good friend was a girl but all we talked about was schoolwork. Chelsie though, tied my tongue in knots with her auburn hair, beautiful smile and short skirts. Anything other than boring smalltalk turned into babble on the journey between brain and mouth.

  ‘He’s a bastard that Jase.’ Chelsie looked shock at the profanity that had escaped her lips.

  ‘Yeah.’

  I knew far better than her what a bastard Jase could be. She’d probably thought she’d loved him. But that wasn’t love. What I felt for her was real love.

  ‘He didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face. He dumped me by text.’

  Feeling braver than I’ve ever felt I told her she deserved someone better than him, someone who wouldn’t break her heart.

  By now we had started walking homewards again. As we walked side by side she started chatting to me and amazingly I managed to talk back without babbling.

  When we rounded the corner onto

  Keiter Street, she slipped her hand into mine and smiled at me.

  My heart stopped doing somersaults long enough to send a couple of pints of blood to my face making me blush scarlet.

  A gentle pull on my hand drew me closer and she was now bumping against me as we walked.

  Questions ricocheted round my brain as I tried to be just a little bit cool. What do I do now? Will she make the next move? Does she want me to kiss her? What if she doesn’t?

  Does my breath smell?

  All the answers came from Chelsie as she stepped to one side of a lamp post but kept hold of my hand causing us to get tangled and come face to face. She leaned into me and delivered two quick kisses followed by a longer one where she touched my lips with her tongue.

  She let go of my hand and walked away looking at me over her shoulder. Three seconds later I was back at her side and when I slipped my hand into hers she squeezed it for a moment.

  ‘C’mon, let’s take a walk down the river.’

  ‘Sure.’ I agreed my heart in my mouth. The river was a quiet location well known as the place to go for teenage couples. That the gorgeous Chelsie wanted me to go down there with her had only before featured in my dreams and fantasies.

  By the time we reached the river she’d let go of my hand and had instead wrapped her arm around my waist.

  As we passed one of the old grain warehouses she stopped and made as if to kiss me when a gang of lads walked around the corner led by Jase.

  ‘Nice one babes.’

  Not understanding the meaning of his words I just stood there with my lips pursed waiting for a kiss that was never going to come again.

  ‘Hey Ginger George. What you doing down here with my girl?’

  When I didn’t answer he gave a short order to his gang.

  ‘Grab him lads.’

  I tried to run away of course, but they soon caught me and dragged me into the warehouse.

  Within two minutes they had tied me to a steel pillar so that I couldn’t move.

  ‘Did you get the stuff Chels’?’

  ‘Yeah, here it is.’

  Chelsie reached into her school bag and handed Jase a roll of sellotape and what looked like a salt cellar from the school dining room.

  ‘Now then Ginger Pubes. Do you remember what Crusty Macfarlane taught us in biology this morning?’

  I nodded my answer as I didn’t trust my voice. I was having a hard enough time fighting back the tears as it was.

  ‘Remember how he said that we blink whenever we sneeze so that our eyeballs don’t pop out?’

  ‘Yes.’ My breaking voice let me down and that one word was a squeak.

  ‘Well me and the boys don’t believe him so we’re gonna have us a lab session. You my friend are our very own ginger guinea pig.’

  While the enormity of my predicament washed over me he stepped closer and punched me hard in the stomach. As I gasped in pain, his lieutenants Billy and Frankie used the sellotape and rough fingers to pin back my eyelids.

  Tears formed as I couldn’t blink or close my eyes. Jase threw a punch towards my head which stopped an inch short of my nose.

  ‘Good job. He can’t blink.’

  ‘Are you sure about this Jase? This c
ould turn out really gross.’ My darling Chelsie was going to talk him out of it. God how I loved her.

  ‘Course I am. Now give me that pepper over honey.’

  Pepper! Shit! They weren’t gonna wait for me to sneeze. They were gonna make me sneeze.

  ‘Please Jase. Don’t do this to me. Please don’t do it. Crusty Macfarlane was right. I saw a documentary. It really happens.’

  ‘It really happens eh? Cool.’

  I tried begging some more and screaming for help but the warehouses were always a quiet area and help didn’t come.

  ‘Hold his head.’

  When Frankie and Billy had my head locked still, Jase pulled a dirty rugby sock from his bag and stuffed it into my mouth then held it in place with sellotape. His sweaty sock was the least of my worries as I could now only breathe through my nose.

  Next Jase tipped the pepper pot upside down above his index finger and shook out a line of black powder.

  ‘Which dwarf are you gonna be Ginger George? My moneys on Sneezy?’

  His arm extended and he laid his finger against my top lip.

  I held my breath as long as I could but soon I had to take in oxygen. When I breathed in, my nose felt as though it was on fire for the merest of split seconds before a great convulsion wracked my body as a violent sneeze erupted from my nose.

  My eyes hurt like hell where the sellotape had gripped skin and eyelashes before surrendering to the violence of my blink reflex. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I blinked again.

  ‘Did youse see that? His eyes bulged like fuck! Tape his eyes up again and make sure that they stay open this time.’

  ‘Jase stoppit. Macfarlane was right, his eyeballs will come out. Don’t do this to him.’

  ‘Shut up Chels’. I wanna see his eyes come out.’

  At her boyfriend’s last remark Chelsie stalked out reluctant to take any further part in my torture.

  Once again my eyes were taped open and Jase was shaking pepper onto his finger. There was malicious evil in his eyes as he approached me.

  ‘Hey Jase!’

  Chelsie came running into the warehouse and barged Jase away from me. She grabbed his hand and wiped his finger against her sweater.

  As his hand raised to knock her away, she ducked low and grabbed the ceramic pepper pot from where he’d laid it down and hurled it against the nearest wall where it smashed into tiny fragments.

  ‘What are you doing you stupid bitch?’

  ‘Protecting a decent person from a bunch of bullies. A joke’s a joke but you could blind him.’

  Jase raised a fist in front of her face but she stood her ground, eyes defiant. ‘What you gonna do big man? Hit a girl?’ Chelsie brandished her mobile in front of his face. ‘Get lost or I’m calling the cops.’

  Seeing her determination Jase lowered his fist then gave truth to her earlier lie. ‘We’re finished. I can’t believe I ever went out with you.’

  He stalked out trailing his gang behind him.

  Chelsie untied me and helped to remove my gag and the sellotape holding my eyes open.

  ‘I’m sorry George.’ Chelsie gave me a soft kiss and then walked away.

  I took a quick couple of steps to catch her up and slipped my hand into hers. When she turned to me and smiled I knew everything was gonna be okay.

  A Day of Deception

  This story was born from mixing my day job and my love of crime fiction together once again. This story is entirely fictional although I know for a fact that it could happen. One of the aspects of my day job is to see that it doesn’t.

  Kayleigh looked terrified as she repeated the words of the man in front of her. His voice was hypnotic in its blandness.

  As she tried to speak her voice cracked and silent tears streamed down her cheeks. She stuttered and stammered her way through the short sentences the man dictated to her.

  A glance to her left told her that her husband was just as nervous as she was. Unshed tears had stolen the sparkle from his blue eyes.

  Kayleigh watched in silence as the man turned to her husband and said the words she couldn’t wait to hear. ‘You may now kiss the bride.’

  As Dave leaned in to kiss her, a round of applause filled the small Scottish chapel they had chosen as their wedding venue.

  The minister who had conducted the ceremony, took them to a table situated at one side of the chapel to complete the legal paperwork. Once both Andrew and Sarah had signed their names, the minister added his own signature to the paperwork with an extravagant flourish. Right there on the marriage schedule was the Minister’s name. Reverend Stewart Price.

  The remainder of the day passed by Kayleigh in a blur of congratulations, laughter and romance.

  The next morning the happy couple and their fourteen invited guests climbed into their cars, left the hotel in the Scottish Highlands and joined the A9 before heading south back to Yorkshire.

  * * * *

  Three weeks later, Dave and Kayleigh were enjoying a lazy Saturday morning lie in when the doorbell rang. Dave clambered out of the bed and down the stairs while wrestling his way into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

  Opening the door he came face to face with a postman bearing a package and a handful of bills and junk mail. Dumping the letters on the kitchen table he carried the package upstairs to his new wife. Dave suspected the package contained their wedding pictures and he knew Kayleigh would want to see them as soon as possible.

  Kayleigh whooped and hollered as she opened the album and wept tears of joy as she examined every picture.

  Leaping from the bed she turned to Dave. ‘C’mon. We’ve got to take these round for Mum and Dad to see.’

  Kayleigh carried the album out to their car as carefully as a mother carries a newborn baby while Dave locked the front door of their mid terraced house. A blue Astra pulled up outside their drive blocking them in and two men in cheap rumpled suits got out.

  ‘Mr Stirzaker?’

  ‘Yes. How can I help you?’

  The elder of the two men held up a wallet containing an ID card which Dave didn’t get chance to study. ‘DS Johnson and DC Daniels.’

  Panic for his elderly mother gripped Dave as his imagination ran riot. ‘What’s up? Is my mother okay?’

  ‘Don’t worry sir. We’re not here to deliver that kind of message. We do though need to talk to you and your wife.’ A liver spotted hand gestured at the house. ‘Can we go inside?’

  ‘Yeah. Sure.’ Dave was shaking as he had no idea what the two detectives wanted to talk to them about.

  When Dave and Kayleigh were seated across the kitchen table from Johnson and Daniels, the elder detective took the initiative and asked of their whereabouts on the previous Monday evening.

  ‘We were here at home all night. Weren’t we Dave?’

  ‘Just the two of you, or can anyone else verify you were here?’

  ‘Kayleigh’s friend Sarah came round to show us the pictures she took of our wedding. We’d only got back from our honeymoon the day before.’

  ‘What time did this Sarah leave?’

  ‘About eleven. Why do you ask?’

  ‘We’ll need her name and address.’ Daniels had spoken for the first time and the two detectives exchanged a glance before a nod from Johnson permitted him to carry on. ‘Can you tell me about the process of booking your recent wedding?’

  ‘I don’t think we should answer any more questions until you tell us what’s going on.’ Dave looked at Johnson until the detective sighed. ‘All right then. A Mr Henry Byrne was brutally killed on Monday night.’

  ‘Who’s he?’ Kayleigh beat Dave to the question.

  ‘He’s the owner of the Mossbank Hotel near Kingussie in the Scottish Highlands.’

  ‘The poor man.’ Shock had drained the colour from Kayleigh’s face. ‘We got married there three weeks ago. We never met the owner though.’

  ‘Do you recognise this man?’ Johnson showed Kayleigh a picture on his smartphone.

  ‘That’s the minis
ter who married me an’ Dave. Reverend Price.’

  A look flashed between the detectives and again Johnson nodded to his younger colleague.

  ‘I’m sorry to tell you that the picture is indeed Mr Byrne. He had been passing himself off as a minister and to the best of our knowledge he has falsely conducted over two hundred marriage ceremonies.’

  Kayleigh was the first to absorb the damning news. ‘Do you mean that we’re not married? That we spent five grand on a sham? That the best day of my life all a lie?’

  The fury in Kayleigh’s eyes was hot enough to dry the tears before they escaped onto her ashen cheeks.

  When neither detective spoke she stood up and leaned over Johnson. ‘Answer me damnit! Are we legally married or not?’

  Pulling his wife down so she was sat on his knee Dave hugged her tight and when Daniels shook his head, he told her that no, they were not legally married.

  Cuddling his distraught wife close, Dave turned his head to face the detectives. ‘So why are you here? Why are you asking us where we were on Monday night? Surely you don’t suspect us of killing him, do you?’

  ‘Mr Byrne was found with a kitchen knife sticking out of his chest. His killer left a note saying that Byrne was and I quote “a fraud and a liar who had ruined the best day of my life”. Obviously when the local CID investigated his death the truth about the fake marriages came out. We’re here because you were the last couple to have a marriage ceremony conducted by Byrne.’

  ‘Well I can tell you it certainly wasn’t us.’ Kayleigh’s words were laced with venom.

  ‘All we need to do is establish your whereabouts on Monday and you’ll be in the clear.’

  As Kayleigh gave Daniels her friend Sarah’s address and phone number Dave questioned Johnson as to how Byrne had been able to pass himself off as Reverend Price.

  ‘It was quite easy for him really. The real Reverend Price had travelled up from Liverpool to officiate at a ceremony, when his friends had been married at the Mossbank Hotel ten years ago. When the hotel started doing wedding packages Byrne began impersonating Price as a way of saving money. With Reverend Price being from outside the area, only the hotel staff knew of his scam and he threatened them with the sack if they said anything.’